Amazing Dogs |
| Golden Retriever Imitating John Travolta Good Dog, Bad Dog (Bud Light Commercial) |
Funny Links |
| Crossbred Dogs Humor Bulldog Humor Twas the Night Before Christmas - Boxer Style Maltese Humor You Might Be a Lab Owner If... Wayne Blasingame, Lawyer sues Dogs What Breed am I? (Top Golden Retriever Sites) Poodle Fitness |
Jokes |
| How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: I can't reach the lamp! Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Go ahead. Make my day. Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dahling. let the servants do it. Lab: Oh, me me me!!Please let me change the light bulb!!! Can I, can I, Huh, Huh, Can I????? Cocker Spaniel: Why bother? I can pee on the carpet in the dark. Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ |
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| On the first day of creation, God created the dog. On the second day, God created man to serve the dog. On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog. |
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| One day a Lab owner comes home to find his dog frolicing in the front yard, with a dead bunny in its snout. The man recognized the dead bunny as Flopsy from next door. What am I going to do?he wondered. Then he had an idea. He took the dead bunny away from his lab, washed it in the sink with laundry detergent, and blow dried it. Then he snuck over to Flopsy's cage next door when no one was watching, and tossed Flopsy back into his pen. The following weekend he saw his next door neighbor and asked how things were going. "Oh just fine," she answered, "except for Flopsy dying." A little nervous, the man replied "Gosh, I'm sorry to hear that." "Actually it was pretty strange," the woman continued. "The kids were naturally very upset when they saw that Flopsy was dead. We had a funeral for them and everything. We even buried Flopsy in the back yard. But would you believe......someone dug Flopsy out of his grave, cleaned him off, and put him back in his cage?" |
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| Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog 1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public. 2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older. 3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair. 4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health. 5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute. 6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours. 7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff. 8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault. 9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back. 10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you. |
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A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well that first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" His mistress. She tried to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line." |
| Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers 20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail." 15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating. 14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www. pethouse.com instead of working. 13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee. 12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver. 11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging. 10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb. 9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome. 8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand... 7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. 6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. 5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question! 4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver. 3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg. 2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms. and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers... 1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS, |